


"You Are So Me!"

by MissSuzeH



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2018-01-26 11:01:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1685948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSuzeH/pseuds/MissSuzeH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Going to word this very carefully ..........</p>
<p>Olivia Benson has been through hell over the last few months. Finally William Lewis is behind bars. She needs to be with someone who knows what she went through, without having to talk about it. There is one man who has been at her side throughout her ordeal. This is the man she realises she needs no, she wants now. Instinct takes her to his door.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"You Are So Me!"

She had been to hell and back; his heart had sunk when the jury had returned not guilty verdicts on the charges of attempted murder and attempted rape:  Fin had said to him the day the trial started “don’t mess this one up counsellor” the words resonated in his ears.  He could still seek the maximum sentence of 25 to life for assault on a police officer and kidnapping for which they had found him guilty but ADA Rafael Barba felt that he had failed. If he had put William Lewis away in the first place she would never have had suffer the torture and degradation he’d put her through.

 

For the last 8 days he had watched helplessly as Lewis had silently menaced and intimidated her.  The manipulative arrogant bastard had gotten under her skin even before she took the stand offering to plead guilty to multiple counts of rape and sodomy. His twisted ego wanting to stand up in open court and humiliate her yet further by giving graphic details of crimes he hadn’t committed, against her at least.  He had physically ached as she paced his office fighting back tears and telling him “No No No, he does not get to do that to me”.  He had then had to watch powerlessly as Lewis run rings around the law. Verbally abusing her on the stand and making her relive every detail of his vicious assault Twisting words to make it sound like the days he had held her captive were consensual. That she was obsessed with him and that his subsequent injuries were as a result of her desire for perverse rough sex.

 

Barba took a hefty swig of the whiskey he had poured himself and watched the cold January rain lash against his apartment windows.  A barely audible knock on the door brought his attention back to the present. He didn’t want visitors, not tonight. He had wanted to be alone, it was why he had come home instead of going to his usual bar; wondering how whoever it was had gotten past the building security he looked through the spy hole.

 

She was soaked through. The suit she’d worn in court clung to her like a second skin. Her now shorter hair plastered to her head, water from it dripping onto her beautiful face. In her hand she clasped a bottle. As he flung open the door she said nothing but extended her hand as if it clarified everything; an expensive twelve year old single malt was explanation enough.  Inside his apartment she stood motionless dripping onto his wood floor. Her face was wet both from the rain and also from tears he mused. He took the scotch from her and placed it on the breakfast counter in his kitchen. Taking her very gently by the hand he led her up the stairs. Leaving her for a few moments he returned with some clothes, grey sweatpants and a baby blue cashmere jumper, he had left them out this morning intending to slip into them when he got home. When he had finally arrived home he’d needed a stiff drink more than he needed to change, he handed her the clothes:

“The bathroom is there” he gestured to a closed door “there are hot towels on the rail, I will pour you a drink”. 

 

Her smile was brief but genuine her big brown eyes spoke her unsaid thanks. He watched as she turned and went into his bathroom, pushing the door behind her but not closing it completely.

 

Detective Olivia Benson looked at her bedraggled reflection in the impeccably polished mirror. She had no idea how she got here; all she knew was this was where she wanted to be. Her therapist had told her weeks ago that she needed time to heal; it was time and this was how she wanted to heal. When Cassidy had been called in she had been inexplicably grateful. She didn’t want to spend the evening trying to put William Lewis out of her mind.  Not talking about things. Making polite conversation. Ordering take out and having a glass of cabernet. She remembered hearing the door close behind Cassidy, the next thing she knew she was handing ADA Rafael Barba a bottle of whiskey and leaving a puddle on his varnished floor.

 

She shivered, the icy rain had chilled her to the bone. The frosted shower cubicle behind her in the huge bathroom was just too inviting. Divesting herself of her sodden clothes she turned the handle to hot full power and stepped inside. Making use of the of course neatly arranged shampoo and shower gel, she allowed the scalding water to beat down on her tired cold body.  The scents that filled her nostrils were strangely familiar and comforting and she breathed deeply inhaling the sense of safety that came with them.  The huge white fluffy towel was like a blanket. Encasing herself in its warmth and softness on her clean silky skin. Replacing it on the rail with her clothes as best she could hoping that they would dry out a little before she had to put them back on. She rough dried her hair running her fingers through it in the absence of a brush and slipped on the clothes that Barba had given her. They were freshly laundered she could tell but they still smelled of him and she shrank into them. The pants were a little short on her tall frame and her feminine curves filled the crew neck Ralph Lauren sweater rather too well.

She padded softly barefoot back down the stairs. The apartment was beautiful. Expensively and tastefully decorated but then she knew it would be. It was now bathed in dim light and a fire burned at its heart. Barba had removed his jacket and was sitting in a large leather chair to the left of it clasping his drink, another was set on the solid wooden table in front of a matching couch.  As she approached he ran his free hand absently through his short dark hair: She picked up the drink and took a mouthful of the warming amber liquid. Perching on the table directly in front of him. His blue spotted tie was loosened, the top button of his check shirt open. Her free hand reached out and gently caressed his face her thumb running softly over his cheek, she smiled as his beautiful green eyes widened in surprise:

 “Rafael?”

His given name fell questioningly from her lips so soft and husky that she hardly recognised it as her own.  Her heart beat like a traction engine as his hand came to cover hers removing it from his face. She released the breath she had been unaware she was holding as he turned her hand over brought it to his lips and brushed them across her open palm.

 

A detective from Manhattan’s elite Special Victim unit for almost 15 years Olivia Benson had learned to read people’s faces. Their eyes, the eyes never lied they dilated in a chemical response the body was unable to control. Through drugs, fear or sexual attraction. Olivia Benson’s chocolate brown gaze locked with Rafael Barba’s beautiful green eyes, no longer wide from surprise but clearly dilated.

 

Barba had downed the drink he had poured before Olivia Benson arrived. He poured another for himself and one for her, placing it on the table in front of his couch before sinking into his favourite chair. He couldn’t help but wonder what she was doing here, why wasn’t she at home relaxing with Cassidy, bottle of wine and takeout?  Running his fingers through his hair he loosened his tie and popped the top button on his shirt. He resisted the temptation to go upstairs or call out to see if she was ok.  For whatever reason she was here, safe with him. Hopefully now warm and dry in the clothes he had given her.  The pants were a little too short he mused as she gently dropped down onto the table in front of him. He chastised his body for the very male but very badly timed reaction it was having to her in the sweater she filled distractingly well he noted as she picked up the heavy glass tumbler and raised it to her lips. In fact it looked better on her than it did on him. A quip he was about to make when he felt her soft hand unexpectedly caress his cheek.  His eyes widened in surprise, and as his name, not Barba not counsellor had tumbled throatily from her there was no distracting his treacherous body. He instinctively reached for the delicate hand that touched his cheek, wanting to kiss her but not trusting himself to move he had placed his lips in the palm.   After what she had been through he did not want to do anything that would alarm her. Who was he trying to kid? Honestly he didn’t have a clue how to handle this situation. His brain was telling him one thing, his body was singing from a completely different hymn sheet.  He watched as she returned first her own drink and then the tumbler he had been nursing back to the table. Her warm brown eyes never once leaving his. She put her hands on his shoulders. Her thumbs playfully flicking his suspenders, skimming them down his arms and stopping to toy with the silver cufflinks that held his double cuffed shirt sleeves together. Slipping them out and rolling between her fingers like dice.

“These are very you” She smiled as she spoke

“My sweater is very you” He returned her humour with a dazzling smile.

He watched as her smile turned into a cheeky grin tugging at the ribbed hem and making it cling to her feminine curves even more: “Pants are a little short” she countered,

Barba laughed out loud they had obviously had the same thoughts about both items of clothing.

 

His cufflinks joined the tumblers on the table. She slid the always colourful but perfectly coordinated suspenders off his shoulders and leaned forward her hands moving to what was left of the Windsor knot in his tie. The warmth from the fire wafted the scent of her hair towards him and he smiled again. She smelled like him:

“You showered”

His voice was barely audible as his hand rose to touch her still slightly damp soft wavy hair, she leaned her head into his hand nodding slightly. His tie came undone in her hands. Barba had the distinct feeling that he was going to end up sharing the same fate as the piece of spotted blue silk that was leisurely and deliberately pulled from his collar.   The top button of his check shirt was already undone, her fingers moved to the next one revealing his undershirt:

“Could you possibly wear any more….obstacles Counsellor” the humour returning once more as Olivia traced the neck of the undershirt with her finger.

“Well _detective_ ” Barba dropped into the same language as her “I did take off my jacket”

He sat in silence as one by one she undid the remaining visible buttons on his shirt when she reached the last one she tugged she shirt free from his dress pants. Once all the fastenings were undone she pushed the shirt from his shoulders.  He shifted awkwardly in his chair his face flushing. The lighter than usual suit he had opted to wear today did nothing to conceal his ever increasing arousal, His breath hitched in his throat as her warm hand traced the outline of his erection through the woollen material. Passion burned in his eyes and in his body: “Liv ……………Are you sure”

 

Olivia Benson hadn’t known where she was going with this when she had padded barefoot down Barba’s stairs. Hell she didn’t even know how he would react. She didn’t want to make him uncomfortable and she didn’t want to ruin their friendship. The shock in his eyes that turned to passion and the gentle touch of his lips to her hand told her everything she needed to know including why despite everything that had happened to her, she inexplicably found herself at his apartment in the first place.  As she had removed his cufflinks, pulled off his tie and stripped him of his shirt she felt she were removing the trappings of his office revealing the real Rafael Barba the one the world never got to see.

His obvious arousal to these small advances she made to him gave her a very feminine thrill and the confidence to carry on.  She had noticed him shift in the chair. His face colour slightly, she knew from his body language he wasn’t uncomfortable with his body’s reaction but sensed he felt guilty that he was having this kind of response to her. She couldn’t resist touching him not only to reassure him but also simply because she so wanted to.   She didn’t want to psychoanalyse why she felt like this, in truth she was enjoying the fact that she did. She hadn’t felt this comfortable, this bold, this aroused by anyone since………in a very long time. She didn’t want to think about anything at all other than the here and now.  The cashmere from the sweater had felt glorious against her skin when she first slipped in over her head. With no underwear its luxurious silky feel against her naked skin had awakened a sensuality dormant for so long. She realised it wasn’t just the fabric it was the scent. The same scent that had been so familiar to her when she had showered, it was Rafael’s scent as it invaded her nostrils it invaded her body making her feel feminine and sexy.  

“Liv………” He rarely called her that always detective or Olivia she liked the sound of it on his lips. Thinking about them her eyes immediately fell to his mouth. It was set in a thin line of a nervous half smile. She reached out and ran her forefinger tenderly along them.

“……..Are you sure?” He had asked. In truth she was a little terrified. Unable to hold back any longer she brushed his lips gently with her own. It was the briefest of contact but it sent a burning heat to her stomach.

 

Barba had done his best to show restraint, but as her soft warm lips fused with his, the last ounce of resolve he possessed faded. His fingers twisted into her hair pulling her closer increasing the pressure against her mouth the intimate contact overwhelming in its simple intensity.  Every emotion that had been supressed over the last few weeks, months even came rushing to the surface. He felt her mouth open to his as his tongue demanded access. He feared he was pushing her. Telling himself to go gently. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt or frighten her. As her tongue met his she almost defies him to take control.  They part and he looks into her chocolate brown eyes he sees nothing but desire in their depths but he senses something else almost as if they are trying to tell him something.  Her hand rests on his chest and he can feel his own heart beating against her fingertips.

 

“Rafael you look at me like a woman. You touch me like a woman, not like I am a broken toy that you no longer want to play with”.

Her words are so heartfelt and full of emotion tears pricked his eyes. He knew everything that had happened to her or at least as much as she’d had to tell him. But that never changed how he looked at her. She is a beautiful desirable woman. He knew she was very vulnerable right now but that vulnerability added to her beauty and sexuality. He wanted to look at her and touch her as she deserved to be. This time he kissed _her_. His mouth hungry for hers and for so much more.  That beautiful full mouth that he has had to draw his eyes away from on so many occasions. At the precinct, in his office. Even in a courtroom. Not long after they had first met he’d even had to pick up a drink to stop himself reaching out and running his finger across them now here he was kissing them. Soft, pliant and moulding to his own so perfectly, so willingly.  His hand slipped beneath the sweater her skin is as soft and silky as the cashmere itself. Her breast is firm, the nipple peaks as the pad of his thumb skims the tip. She moans deep in her throat her body instinctively arcing towards him. Her hand returning to his stroke his aroused flesh which surges to her touch.  She was right he is wearing far too many obstacles, he needs to feel her skin against his own. Breaking the kiss he stands divesting himself of his white undershirt and kicking off his shoes.  The baby blue sweater joins his discarded clothes and his breath catches hard in his chest as her breasts come into direct contact with his own now bare chest. Her hand slips between them releasing the fastening and zipper on his pants they pool around his ankles. He removes them quickly along with his socks. She has thrown his oversized cushions onto the rug in front of the blazing fire and steps backwards towards it taking his hand and leading him. He watches as his grey sweat pants join the other array of discarded clothing and she stands before him naked and stunningly beautiful. Her body is so feminine perfectly curved in all the right places thankfully not too thin. Her breasts are high and full. She takes a small step forward her fingers dip under the waistband of his boxers and in a brief second he too is naked, His body harder and more aroused than ever.  Amidst the pile of cushions her shorter hair highlighted by the fire is fanned out from her face, she looked even more beautiful. Stretching out her hand to him she cocked her head to one side and smiled her shinning eyes appraising his naked form.

 

Olivia Benson had not felt this sexy, carefree even in a very long time. It was as if everything had fallen perfectly into place. The glorious fire with the huge thick rug in front of it and the thankfully convenient pile of scatter cushions strewn on the sofa.  She had not felt in the least bit self-conscious as she had removed firstly the sweater and then the pants.  Feeling entirely at ease as she stood completely naked before him. Holding her breath slightly as he too had removed almost all of his remaining clothing. Looking into his handsome face as he stripped down to his boxers it was a bit like watching someone remember dance steps. He was checking himself probably telling himself to take it easy not to go too fast. Maybe not to even do this, that perhaps she isn’t ready. She wanted him and she wasn’t going to wait any longer. 

Getting to here had been a really slow build and somewhat unexpected. What she’d had been through herself was only part of that. They had shared so much, from that very first meeting when she actually wanted to slap the arrogant and rather smug new ADA from Brooklyn, to now. How he always went the extra mile for her. When he had gone through all of that stuff with his childhood friend Alex Muñoz she had found herself reacting like a silly teenager when they went to that lovely little place for the “side bar” and coffee. She had hoped above hope that it never showed.   

Over the last few months with the trial pending and during the trial he had been her rock. At times she had thankfully forgotten what was going on around her simply because she got to spend so much time with him which despite the reason why she found herself looking forward more and more. He was patient with her, but never treated her any differently not like a victim. Still giving her sass and being the hardass ADA when he needed to be. There had been times when he’d been prepping her that she had willed him to just hold her, touch her hair anything. But ever the professional and ever the gentleman he had never deviated or strayed from either path.  The gentle but restrained hand that he had placed on her arm in celebration this afternoon after the jury had returned its verdict had been like a brand burning her to her very soul. The briefest but most intimate of touches that fanned the fire that was already slowly burning. They had looked at each other for a long time, forgetting everyone else in the courtroom until Cassidy had interjected wanting to get her home. She had wanted a minute, a minute to gather her thoughts or a minute to speak to ADA Rafael Barba? Seeing him otherwise engaged she had found herself sitting on the courtroom stairs weeks of pent up tears flowing………….for what had happened to her…….no for something that hadn’t happened. 

Five hours later she found herself looking into that same devastatingly attractive face, those same mesmerising green eyes in a very different situation. Tears once again filled her eyes but this time for a very different reason.  He took her face between his strong hands his lips brushing away the tears, she wrapped her limbs around him like a vine never wanting to let him go. Drawing him closer and closer urging him into her until finally she could feel him as close as it was possible for one person to get to another. The searing heat of pleasure that overwhelmed her body as he finally enters her is so exquisitely beautiful that she cries out. He stops immediately but she arches her body into him forcing him deeper inside reassuring him. Light green meets chocolate brown as their gazes collide at the significance of this moment. She tightens her muscles around him feeling him gradually draw back withdrawing from her soft folds. Slipping her fingers into his short dark hair needing to feel his lips on hers she pulled him forward moaning his name as he sucked on her tongue. She had heard his voice a thousand times before but it has never sounded as good or as sexy as it does when her name falls from his lips as his throbbing erection pushes hard into her. She is so incredibly aroused her nipples so hard that they physically ache and yearn for his touch. His mouth leaves hers once more and he takes one of the swollen peaks between his teeth nipping lightly then swirling his tongue around the puckered flesh. The sensation burns a trail of searing heat to her core.  Her back lifts from the floor pressing hard against him feeling him fully within her she grinds against him. He moans against the nipple he is still sucking thrusting into her. Her legs move higher around him and he thrusts deeper into her. Her inner muscles tighten around him. Her fingers bite into his toned muscled back, the orgasm that waves over her with such ferocity and intensity comes from nowhere and wracks her entire body awakening every nerve and sensation she possesses. In her own euphoria she feels his breath shorten, his rhythm falters she knows he is close:

 “Rafael” She whispers his name her warm breath caresses his face.

 

Barba is almost breathless she is so beautiful and he wants her so much wants to touch and taste her in every way possible.  She is right he has always looked at her like a woman. He has never treated her like a broken toy or a victim. Deep down however he knows what she has been through and there is that unspoken fear that he might scare her with the depth and strength of his passion sudden as it may all seem.  He moves slowly, gently positioning himself at her entrance pushing into the wet sweetness of her. As her legs tighten around him and he thrusts fully into her, she cries out. It halts him in his tracks. He feels her back arch from the rug pushing herself hard against him. Relieved he continues. Her lips capturing his, he draws her tongue into his mouth. She moans his name as her nails bite into his back. The pain is exquisite as is the tightness of her femininity around him. Drawing him deeper and deeper into her, as he thrusts back and forth he feels her body begin to shake under him. Small tremors that build and build her inner muscles so tight around his pulsating shaft, she calls out his name in an ecstatic moan. Her fingers entwined in his short hair their mouths fused as their bodies are and he feels her silky wetness surround him. That familiar tingle starts in the pit of his stomach it begins to throb as orgasm rips through him and he ejaculates long and hard taking the breath from his body in the most exquisite ecstasy, her body milking everything from him.

 

He holds her tightly against him for what seems like an eternity their breathing returning to normal slowly together as he tugs a throw from the couch covering them both with its luxurious softness, his face even more handsome in the aftermath of their heated passion, his green eyes practically sparkling:

 

“Just what is going on in that razor sharp mind of yours counsellor?  She asks huskily smiling.

“Just trying to comprehend that you are really here and that my alarm clock isn’t about to wake me up from the best dream I’ve ever had in my life” He strokes her cheek with the back of his hand.

She reaches up to do the same “That is so you Rafael”

“No Liv” he counters softly “You are so me”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope some of you enjoyed the story.
> 
> I posted this before. It was MY FIRST EVER attempt at writing a fanfic, despite not being my first posted. I knew it wasn't great. I know the grammar needs polishing and I get carried away sometimes, but I didn't have a BETA as I am new to all of this so I just posted it. Following a scathing review I took it down very quickly ~ thinking OMG. There was no offence intended, I reworded the offending sentence but on reflection decided to remove it completely just to be safe. It wasn't what I thought it was meant to be the narrow minded thinking of some stereotypical types at 1PP. 
> 
> I then reread it back to take on board the other comments. I have therefore reworded the summary which hopefully explains WHY Olivia does what she does. I thought I had covered that in the story from both perspectives but obviously not. I wanted to think that after everything she had been through Barba was the man that she would go to, who she would feel close to, the man she wanted to be with, the man who knew what she had suffered and would be the man to help her heel how SHE wanted to. The sex was about that not him taking advantage of his friend. 
> 
> This story could only be up for another ten minutes. But I am willing to take on board what people have to say. You don't always see things in the same way.


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